Breaking the Chains: Understanding and Overcoming Trauma Bonds in Narcissistic Relationships

Have you ever felt stuck in a relationship where you were treated poorly, yet found it incredibly difficult to leave? You might be experiencing what is known as a 'trauma bond'. This article will explain what trauma bonds are, how our brains contribute to forming them, how to recognize if you are in a trauma-bonded relationship, and the steps you can take to break free.

What Are Trauma Bonds?

Trauma bonds, or 'betrayal bonds,' are strong emotional connections that develop between a person and their abusive partner, especially when the partner shows moments of kindness or affection in between episodes of abuse. These bonds often form in relationships with people who show signs of narcissism or borderline personality disorder, and they can make it incredibly hard to leave, even when you know the relationship is toxic.

How Our Brains Play a Role

Our brains play a significant role in forming trauma bonds. When we are stressed or in danger, our brains release stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. At the same time, during moments of kindness from the abusive partner, our brains also release dopamine, a hormone that makes us feel good. This mix of hormones creates a strong emotional connection with the abuser.

In relationships with narcissistic or borderline individuals, there is often a cycle of abuse followed by reconciliation. This cycle leads to what is known as 'intermittent reinforcement,' where our brains become addicted to the bursts of dopamine released during the 'good times.' This addiction strengthens the trauma bond and makes it even harder to break free.

Signs You May Be in a Trauma-Bonded Relationship

It is important to recognize the signs of a trauma-bonded relationship so you can take steps towards healing. Some common signs include:

Feeling unable to leave the person despite the abuse.Making excuses or downplaying the abusive behavior.Feeling strong withdrawal symptoms when trying to leave the relationship.Wanting to return to the relationship after leaving.Feeling like the abusive partner is the only one who truly understands you.

How to Break Free from Trauma Bonds

Breaking free from trauma bonds is tough, but it is possible. Here are some steps that can help:

Awareness: The first step towards healing is acknowledging that you are in a trauma-bonded relationship. Understanding how our brains contribute to forming these bonds can also be empowering.

Be Kind to Yourself: Remember to be gentle with yourself. Healing is a journey, and it is okay to have setbacks.

Seek Support: Joining a support group, either online or in-person, can provide a sense of community and understanding. Talking to a therapist or a clinical social worker who specializes in narcissistic abuse can also be incredibly helpful.

Set Boundaries: Setting firm boundaries is crucial for breaking free from a trauma bond. This may mean cutting off all contact with the abuser and seeking legal protection if necessary.

Practice Self-Care: Doing activities that bring you joy and practicing mindfulness can help reduce the stress and anxiety associated with breaking a trauma bond.

Conclusion

Trauma bonds are strong emotional connections that form in abusive relationships, making it incredibly difficult to leave. Recognizing the signs of a trauma bond and understanding how our brains contribute to forming them are crucial steps towards healing. Remember to be kind to yourself, seek support, set firm boundaries, and practice self-care. With time and effort, it is possible to break free from trauma bonds and build healthier relationships.

Kristin Fuller, LCSW

www.livetothrive.net

Kristin Fuller, LCSW is a Clinical Therapist and Narcissistic Abuse specialist with over 20 years of experience. She is a graduate of the University of Georgia where she resides with her 2 teenagers in the Atlanta, GA area. 

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